shit my family said at thanksgiving 2k16 starters 


  •  "you smell like drunk"

  •  "i didn't get a ring but i got a fridge so i'm happy"

  •  "who let the baby near the wine"

  •  "don't eat the pearls, ____!"

  •  "i was lying ____- i never threw out your shirt!"

  •  "ah yes- more food!"

  •  "i will strangle you with the pan cake to shut you up!"

  •  "oh yeah the baby destroyed the wine bottle!"

  •  "where's the wine?!!?"

  •  "stop terrorizing your child with a toy turkey!"

  •  "i would've gotten up to kiss you hello but if i move i'll explode"

  •  "he's like 'CHASE ME!'"

  •  "i might like this, but i'm mostly confused"

  •  "you know what i need- ching ching!!"

  •  "i have like four cases of shed wine"

  •  "meet me at two am to go shopping- though if i'm sleep don't fucking awake me"

  •  "think of all the business!!"

  •  "i can do this...standing and drinking at the same time"

  •  "hey ___, do you want coffee with your...coffee...?"

  •  "i cant believe the baby's a drunk"

  •  "oh yes- that is definitely the laugh of pure joy"

  •  "i can't focus on the dominoes"

  •  "i lost that part of my brain a long time ago"

  •  "take out the money!!!"

  •  "this whole family is a bunch of cheaters- that's why playing with money is extra fun"

  •  "how's that grass growin'?"

  •  "somebody drove into it and well- it was a weird day to say the least"

  •  "now we just monitor our entire street thanks to the cameras my fiancé installed"

  •  "what kind of haircut does the Incredible Hulk have anyway???"

  •  "no yeah we totally have an atm here!"

  •  "don't you remember the last time we played Pictionary!?!?"

  •  "okay but i mean you can also manipulate him with a string"

  •  "kick his nuts"

 
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"you will never find"

with pale and delicate skin, her beauty held no bounds. her heart was what everyone saw, her smile was what everyone wanted.

"anyone as"

indiependent and private elizabeth schuyler. penned by sydney.

"trusting or as kind"

DRAFTS: thirty plus.
STARTERS: twenty plus.
INBOX: ten plus.